The Complete Steps of Packing, Mugwump Style

  1. Survey the landscape. 
  2. Decide there is too much stuff that is not visible.
  3. Move all the “hidden stuff” into view.  This means completely emptying all drawers, closets, cupboards, etc. 
  4. Resurvey.
  5. Marvel at the giant mess you have just made.  This could be your greatest accomplishment yet.
  6. Decide to take a picture of the big mess.
  7. Spend thirty minutes swearing about your misplaced camera.  Tear through belongings, ruining whatever system of organization once existed.
  8. Find a movie you didn’t even know you owned.  Put it in! 
  9. Pop some popcorn (for your movie of course).
  10. Try on ALL clothing to make sure it fits and you like it.  Create 6 new outfits in the process.
  11. Get serious about packing.  Put on your game face, pick up you magic marker and your packing tape, and get moving!
  12. Text no fewer than six friends to tell them how hard packing sucks. 
  13. Spend forty-five minutes carrying on no fewer than four text conversations. 
  14. Time for a break!
  15. Throw away exactly one magazine and one take out menu. 
  16. Start packing clothes and shoes.  Decide that in the next 4 days you will need at LEAST 12 outfits including the following items: blue cocktail dress, sweatpants, patent leather pumps, green tennis shoes, gym shorts, assorted t-shirts, two sweaters, two pairs of sandals, four skirts, and at least 5 bras.  Forget to save some undies, curse yourself in the morning. 
  17. Decide that all of the things that were once prized possessions are now all piles of shit.  Have a burst of anger and get “rid” of half your belonging. 
  18. While changing laundry, realize that you really do love that stuff and cry as you rescue everything you just tossed (and more!) from the Donate or Toss piles. 
  19. Resurvey the landscape.  Things look about the same, save for the elimination of one magazine, one take out menu, and your underpants. 
  20. Make a sandwich. 
  21. Sharpen an entire box of pencils in case you lose your pencil sharpener in the move. 
  22. Take a shower. 
  23. Pack exactly seven books and assorted USB cables that do not appear to belong to any of your devices.
  24. Look at all 472 tagged photos of yourself on Facebook.
  25. Untag some of those.
  26. Make your bed. 
  27. Pile all the stuff from your floor onto your bed to “make some space to work” on the floor.
  28. Read through ALL your saved greeting cards on the floor.
  29. Draw a picture, testing all of your markers.  Throw away the bad ones.
  30. Read through old class notes.  Affirm that you have not learned anything.
  31. Move some piles from one side of the room to the other.  Stack some boxes for a neater, more accomplished ambiance. 
  32. Resurvey the landscape.  You’re too tired to get all this done.  Shove the pile on the bed onto the floor. 
  33. Restart the movie. 
  34. Reaffirm to yourself that you will be more motivated to pack… tomorrow. 

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