Ignorance is Definitely, Definitely Bliss

My feelings about having committed to running a marathon in 2011 are quite mixed.  I bounce somewhere between “omigoshthisissoexciting” and “What. The. Hell. Was I thinking?! And why did I tell anyone I was going to do this?”

In my moments of panic I did what I do best: I turned to Google for the answers.  Keywords such as first marathon, marathon training, and 26.2 miles led me to a beautiful land full of healthy bodies, comforting and cushioning running shoes, and finisher’s medals boldly engraved with personal bests.

Relax, Katie.  This is going to be great.

I took the advice of some fitness ladymag to read, read, read everything I could about marathons and training for the big run.

Doing just that this morning, I found the eggshell in the marathon cake (which until that moment I was having, and eating, thankyouverymuch).

Marathon injuries.  

My first instinct was to close the browser, grip the hazelnut latte for comfort, and go back to Finisher’s Medal Dreamland.  But logic told me to “read, read, read.”

Blisters.  Okay, really?  I mean, this makes sense to me.  What I considered a relatively benign symptom of training kind of grossed me out when it was recommended that I pop them so as to not “interfere with my training schedule” and even recommended popping them if they occur on race day.  Yes, please excuse me while I sit down on the road, sterilize a safety pin, leak the fluid from my feet, and apply a cool, dry bandage to the affected area.  Riiiiiight.

Black toenails.  “You’re running a marathon?! You know all your toenails are going to fall off?”  That is all I have heard in the last 4 days since I decided to blab blab blab that I was going to run a marathon.  Is this what people think is encouraging?  It does, however, seem to be painfully true.  All the running websites say the same thing: no worries, it will grow back in 3 to 5 months.  Kiss those toenails goodbye.  Guess I will be saving on nail polish for the year.

Chafing. Let’s be honest (if not a bit grotesquely blunt), by ‘chafing’ the websites really mean ‘bloody nipples.’  And maybe some other irritation, but mostly bloody nipples.  Luckily, this is a much more common affliction amongst male runners, but I think I might do a little prophylactic taping myself.  To be on the safe side.  There are some injuries I am willing to sustain (blisters) and some I am not (anything not a blister).

Sprains, Strains, and Stress Fractures (oh my!).  It turns out, this is up there with one of the least healthy things an individual can do to their body.  As I stated earlier, I am looking at well over 400 miles of running in the next few months.  I am bound to do something stupid and hurt myself.  On a related topic, running mags tell me my heart will also burst open.  Well, fabulous.

Sunburn.  Sunburn?! After losing all the nails off of my blistered and swollen feet, hardly hanging on by the strained, sprained, and otherwise broken bones throughout my ankle and foot I am supposed to worry about sunburn?!  Moreso than the fact that my heart is going to burst out of chest?  Or that the distance is supposedly going to prove to be too great a mental challenge for my 5 mile brain?  SPF that.  I’ll get a sunburn if I want to, lame running ladymag.  I have earned the damn sunburn.

Two points of good marathon news: today was Day #1 of training and I went to the gym before work, ran my (very few) miles, and survived.  Training for this is easy.  So far.  Second point of good news: marathoning has made me create a new label for these posts!  Wooo!  You now have greater filtering capabilities than you had 30 seconds ago.

I mean, that’s somethin’.

Au revoir, mes amis.  Bonne nuit.  


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