Animal/housesitting for my jetsetting parents this weekend. The dog and cat would like to share with you how that is going so far.
The Dog’s Day
8:00 AM: Oh wow! You’re awake! Yay! My favorite thing!
8:30 AM: We’re going outside! My favorite thing!
9:00 AM: Running around the yard! My favorite thing!
10:00 AM: Cuddling on the couch with my person! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM: Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM: A nap! My favorite thing!
2:00 PM: Playing ball! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM: Dinner! My favorite thing!
6:00 PM: A back rub! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM: Outside! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM: Treats and bedtime! My favorite thing!
The Cat’s Day
It’s Day 3 of my captivity since the people left and their Youngest Offspring has inhabited the home. I make my displeasure in the changing of the guard clear at irregular but frequent intervals. I get the best reaction when I ‘discuss’ the matter with Offspring between 0200 hours and 0400 hours. Especially if I enhance the conversation with my claws.
On Day 2, at 1400 hours I caught Offspring dining on fresh packed tuna while the other inmate and myself were left to attempt to stomach some sort of dry protein nuggets. While I make my contempt for the inadequate rations perfectly clear, I reluctantly eat the offerings. I must maintain strength.
I was almost successful in an assassination attempt this morning by weaving around Offspring’s feet while she was walking on the slick kitchen floor. Will try again tomorrow, earlier in the morning to capitalize on the pre-coffee fog the Offspring often seems to suffer. And at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the Offspring has brainwashed the other inmate. The dog is a totally flunkie. He is occasionally released, but seems more than willing to return. Obviously retarded. But also seems to be entitled to special privileges, including periodic treats for completing idiotic tasks. Perhaps I will ‘consult’ with him later on his strategy.
When I sleep on the Offspring’s shoulder, she seems to find it endearing and talks to me in the most obnoxious voice and fails to use complete sentences. I endure, and continue to keep my friends close and enemies closer…