F*#% the Fitted Sheet

Scene 1: Fitted sheet (not belonging to me) left in the dryer. Attempt to nest the corners and fold.  Unfold and reattempt. Lose patience. Try one more time. Grab something resembling a corner in each hand and spin arms around one another real fast, making tight ball of sheet. Look at ball of wrinkled fabric.  As folded as it gets.  Done.
Scene 2: New sheets! Yay! Bring them home and put them on the bed.  In removal of current sheet, one corner permanently attached to mattress corner.  Tug until corner loosens and elastic of the fitted sheets whaps! me in the face. Awesome. While putting on new sheets, corners 1, 2, and 3 go on without hassle.  Get to corner 4 to discover sheet cannot possibly be big enough.  Sideways? Remove sheet and reaffix to mattress.  Success with only corners 1 and 2.  This orientation is more wrong than the first.  Reattempt original orientation.  Corners 1, 2, and 3 successful! Borrow Jaws of Life from local fire department to affix corner 4.  Corner 4 success, until… pop! from corner 1.  Shit.  Tug on corner 1… almost there… pop! from corner 3. Guh.  Go around bed, tug on corner 3… pop! from ol’ corner number 4. Repeat for ten minutes until you promise your first born son to the 200 Thread Count Gods and all corners stay put.
Scene 3: Sleeping in new sheets and pop! from corner 4. Unreal.
Scene 4: Look up on YouTube how to fold a fitted sheet.  Women in the video is IRONING the sheet. Decide she is batshit crazy and life is too short to fold fitted sheets.  Repeat folding method used in Scene 1.  

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