Google Voice Transcript or “Why I Think Everyone Who Calls Me is Drunk 24 Hours a Day”

I am constantly feeling the need to have and master every product or service that Google offers, ever. Some products rock (Gmail? I love thee) and some totally flop (What’s a Wave and how do I use it?)

So, a few years ago, when Google came out with Google Voice and I wasn’t the first person on their invite list, I was a bit bummed. But, the plus side of waiting for your invite is that the bugs are usually worked out of the product by the time it goes totally public.

Turns out, that’s not true for Google Voice.

One feature of Google Voice is that if someone leaves me a voicemail, Google will transcribe that into a text and then send me the text message. It makes checking your voicemail easier and more discreet. Sounds super handy.

Unless you get the following messages:

Wait a few weeks. T. V. How to get I really great. I hope you got a long they’re running. If you tomorrow. So you know I’m proud of you alright. Bye. (From boyfriend, Aaron, the day before the marathon)

What? I mean, at least the important part translated okay (the part where he says he is proud of me), but why was he calling about TV and why he is so great?! Odd.

Hey kiddo, it’s mom, I’m just walked in the beach in Waikiki no means a lot of then but just thought I’d call and see how things are going to let you know the take care thanks for couple of days appreciate that. Hopefully that  wasn’t too much trouble. It’s a bit So anyway. Have a great time  here. Dot Monroe Harbor yesterday.That was very over. Anyway, great, great, thanks. David saying  that took about. 4 5hours at school, we’re doing good. Heading to Molly today.  So, in about an hour. We’ll be 7 Hope things are going well, call if you need  anything. Love you. (From Mom, while she was in Hawaii on vacation)

“Waiter, what’s that drink you’re serving my mother? Yes, I’d like 2 of those, please.” What she means to say at the beginning is that she is walking on the beach (not in it) in Waikiki (how is that the only word transcribed correctly?!) and she is calling to see how things are going and to thank me for taking care of their place and animals for a couple of days. But then things get weird. They saw Dot Monroe, but I don’t know who that is. But no matter, Mom say’s that’s “very over.” And David and Molly? I don’t know who they are either.

My favorite part might be the part that actually did transcribe right: “Call if you need anything.” This is great because she was approximately 3964 miles and 5 time zones from me. What, exactly, was she planning on doing if I had called?

Hey, It’s your sister. I’m hoping you’re by about it. Okay, all the way, I will and back for your interview went well. I’m around, sorry. My phone’s on vibrate give me the on Love  you.

My response voicemail to her would be: “Hey, this is your sister. I am by about it, thanks for asking. Yes, things are okay “all the way.” It’s okay that you’re around, I forgive you. I don’t have the on, so I can’t give it to you, but I will call you back. Love you too.”

Hey, this is Aaron, International Bob, do you should get better at. Though you go.  And, just, okay. My mom, I just feel better, alright. Bye.

Have not stopped laughing about the new opportunity to call him “Aaron, International Bob” all evening. The rest of the message doesn’t even matter because it is just an honor to get a call from Aaron, International Bob.

BAAAAAAaaaaahahahahahahahaha hahahaha haaaaaaaaa whooooooo haaaaaaaaaa, pheeeeew. Heh. Heh heh.


One thought on “Google Voice Transcript or “Why I Think Everyone Who Calls Me is Drunk 24 Hours a Day””

  1. I laughed so hard I was crying while reading these! They just kept making me laugh more the further I read! Thanks for the good ab workout!

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