On Toilet Paper & Other Updates

Yeah, you read that right. The first part of this post is going to be about toilet paper. So, prepare yourself appropriately.

So, moving into my own first apartment (sans roommates) was a really good lesson in “oh, I’ve never had to do this myself before.” One of those things included buying toilet paper (others included cleaning the WHOLE kitchen myself and checking the mail every day). Don’t ask how I ended up going years living with roommates without ever having to buy TP, but suddenly I found myself staring blankly, mouth agape, at rows and rows of rolled paper. Packages with soft pastels, cute puppies, or cartoon bears beckoned my to buy their brand of toilet paper. And I felt utterly lost. Feeling panicked about what other shoppers were thinking about the 20-somethin’ standing in the toilet paper aisle for coming on 25 minutes, I just grabbed a 4-pack and turned to go to the checkout.

It was not even immediately upon returning home that I realized what a horrid mistake I had made. It was later that evening, when I went to use the bathroom that I realized the unthinkable had happened: I had purchased (and now opened) single-ply toilet paper. 

One may think, as I mistakenly did, that 4 rolls of single-ply will be gone in no time. Once you use it all up, you can go back and search out that fabulous triple-ply, quilted toilet paper that once graced your derriere.


When you live by yourself, it takes seven months to use up 4 rolls of single-ply toilet try paper. And in that seven months, I attempted to make my situation better by rolling an obscene amount of toilet paper per use, serving a two-fold purpose: maybe all that paper would mimic a more luxurious paper (it does not) and if I used a lot it would run out faster.

Just this week, I finished the last roll of sandpaper single-ply and gently settled something quilted into the TP holster. There is one lesson to be learned from the sudden switch from single-ply to quilted: if you unroll the same amount of quilted and you had to the single-ply, you are going to be in serious trouble. See, as squares of quilted come off the roll, they actually increase in size exponentially.

If you need 2 full handfuls of quilted paper, the type of TP you are using is the last of your problems (I’d suggest a little less fiber, honestly).

That was a really long post about TP. Wow.

But, as promised: Other Updates!

Walking up at 7AM every day is harder than I thought. Which means the first few weeks that I find myself again employed are going to suck. If you were smart, you would by stock in Caribou Coffee now.

Cleaning for 20 minutes every day is easy to do, and easy to put off. Which makes me wish I made resolutions more like: procrastinate everything.

My Return to Run program is going awesome! Sometimes there is a bit of pain at the fracture site in my leg, but the doctor said that is normal and that ice/Advil might be part of my routine for a while. As long as it doesn’t get increasingly painful when distance is added, I am okay to keep going. It is a bit heartbreaking to know that the registration for the marathon is opening super soon. I don’t know that, even if I was in perfect health, I would have run it again this year but there is something about being told I can’t run it that makes me want to do it. So. Badly. I am potentially, possibly, non-committing to Fargo Marathon 2013. So, get ready for that.

Also, lots of awkward movement on the “getting a new job” front, but nothing real or serious yet, but I think I will hear about at least one job this week. The anxiety level in this apartment is nuclear.

With that, Happy Midweek Friends!


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