Write a letter to the Kate of December 16, 2011 about the upcoming year.
This place you are at is dark and uncertain. Frankly, you’re not having any fun, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I won’t give away all the secrets of what 2012 is bringing to you, but knowing what I/you know now, here is some advice.
Find a regular sleep schedule and stick to it. This not-sleeping-all-night thing isn’t going to work for very long. Nothing is as important as some solid hours of deep sleep, not even those 4 episodes of Law & Order: SVU, Season 3. A little sleep is going to go a long way and you will notice some remarkable differences: you will be calmer and more agreeable, better able to manage stress.
Stop magnifying the ways you feel you have failed and assuming that everyone around you thinks you are an unmotivated dunderhead. Lady, hard times happen. The things that make you Kate are not tied to your professional success or failure. The false notion in your head that people who have loved you for years would suddenly find you less than is ridiculous. The longer you continue to believe that false notion, the more toxic you are making your relationships.
Say yes to some of the things you don’t want to do. You will actually be really happy that you did.
The things that are challenging and scary now do actually get worked out, and the fear and anxiety about a job and money go away. Shortly thereafter, the space gets back-filled with new worries and other things that scare you. Learn to cope, this is real life.
Let go of your expectations of yourself and others. You are enough. They are enough. Be at peace with that and know that it is true.
Though I said I didn’t want to be too specific, there are some things I want to warn you about to save you a little bit of heartache:
- You are, in a matter of days, going to get asked to give a presentation for a second round of job interviews. You are going to use some of your creativity and free time to hand draw a flip chart of “slides.” Don’t. You don’t get this job. All you get is to waste a ton of time.
- You are, in fact, going to buy a full season of Timberwolves tickets for the 2012-2013 season. This is a good thing. Be warned, in the next year, nearly every player is going to get injured. Many of them out for weeks or months. Man, what happens to Ricky Rubio in March is gonna crush you. But he comes back, almost exactly a year from where you are now. Hang in there. And stop eating the brats at the Target Center. They’re disgusting.
You just wouldn’t believe where you are in a year, even if I told you. From here, it looks like a giant leap, but it was really just a journey of little steps. Some planned, carefully calculated, intentional. Some were stumbles, the first steps after a big fall, sometimes someone had to push you along the way.
Hang in there, kiddo. It’s about to get really, really good.
Kate (2012 Edition)