What healed you this year? Was it sudden or a drip-by-drip evolution? How do you hope to be healed in 2013?
Generally, I pfffft! at the saying “time heals all things.” And I can always think of ways in which the simple passage of time did not make things better, both in physical or emotionally healing.
It is, after all, not time that has healed my heart after my grandpa passed away in 2010. In fact, at times the passage of time makes it harder, particularly as I look towards my wedding and know he would have loved to be there. Rather, it is memories and love and stories that have woven a web of healing and a safe place to fall when I miss him most.
After suffering a pretty gnarly flesh wound this summer, subscribing to the “time heals all things” idea could have killed me as a staph infection ate away at the flesh around the wound and threatened to enter my blood stream– a life-threatening situation.
So let me take a moment to eat my words. Sort of.
Because this year, time was exactly the healer I needed– emotionally and physically.
After breaking my leg at the end of 2011, I was prescribed some core strength work, but mostly rest. A lot of rest for that narrow little bone in the front of my shin. What my leg needed was time and for me to literally do nothing in that time. As someone who is on the go and craving control over the situation, letting go of that was very difficult. I could not will my leg to health, I simply had to wait.
The year and the events of life were much the same. I felt most healed when I was able to relinquish control, stop being so ridiculously anxious, and let time take its course. It didn’t always mean “do nothing” but it did often mean “stop trying to do everything.” As I let time pass, the things I could never have had control over came along. I have learned that my timeline is, at best only 50 percent of the equation of any given situation.
I hope to remember this as I head in to the next year. The pre-planner in me that likes a schedule and must. follow. it. always. is uncomfortable with the idea that I could go through the year and just let some things happen– without my control or input or decision-making. But not as uncomfortable as the anxiety and the let-down when things don’t go as I prescribed them to.
Looking back a bit on some of the entries for Reverb 12, this is another example that perhaps the word of the year this year is “patience.”