This past week saw my first big bridal meltdown.
Tears. Yelling at Aaron when he didn’t totally deserve it– even if it was something that needed to be said, it didn’t need to be said like that. Saying things like, “this is all foolish and a waste of time and stupid.” And meaning it. For a fleeting moment, anyway, and then coming back to my senses the next morning.
There can be a lot of Crazy in wedding planning and I accidentally let it, invited it to sit in the Chair of Overreaction, and brewed it a big ol’ cup of Lose Your Shit.
Which is too bad, because last Tuesday, my mom, sister and I had a lovely dinner and went dress shopping for their dresses. With such success! And fun! And wine! And dessert! That’s what this was all supposed to be about– fun. And wine. And dessert, too.
Aaron and I have learned in our marriage prep discussions with our pastor that we are both people-pleasers– we have both a hard time saying no and a hard time asking for help. In the next 7 weeks we have to find a way to get over that. Because for the last couple weeks, I have been facing every. single. decision. with the question of “Will my guests enjoy this?” But not just in the general sense of finding an overall enjoyable activity for most people, but examining everything’s appropriateness for each and every one of our 200+ guests. If I can imagine a single person who might not like it, who might judge it, who might think it strange/too traditional/too non-traditional/too yellow, I get paralyzed and panicked.
This is crazy-making.
Truth? The people we invited to our wedding are our favorite people in the world. And what we love so so so much about them is how different they are– different from us, and different from each other. Our guests are people who provide us new opportunities, challenge us to try new things, who liven our discussions with fresh perspectives and have life experiences vastly different than ours. And despite all those differences, they love us and lift us up as the people who we are right now. That’s what makes the fabric of our varied relationships so wonderful. So I don’t know where I got the idea that all 200 people were going to like the same things as me and each other, but it was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.
Another truth? Something about our wedding is probably going to make someone uncomfortable. Some parts are gonna be too non-traditional. Some parts a bit too traditional. In some places we have removed all the expected pomp and circumstance that comes along with weddings. We don’t fully know or grasp all of the rules of wedding etiquette and we’ve already made some mistakes. Expect a few more. And often, we happily neglect wedding planning for real life.
The most truthiest truth? I don’t think this will be the most important day of our lives. Is that Wedding Industry Blasphemy? Probably. I think it’s going to be a darn memorable day, and I am over-the-moon, pie-in-the-sky excited about having all the best people in the world there together for one night. But I think Aaron and I will have more important days, and maybe even have already. I mean, often overshadowed by engagements and wedding planning is that humble day in which you first admit to each other that you want to make this forever. That’s a pretty big deal. And I can’t imagine that in the next 5, 10, 20, 40 years we aren’t going to have days where we have to make bigger or harder decisions or we make a more dramatic change to our lives.
Long story short, perhaps, this is not worth getting all worked up over. In fact, all can easily be summarized in 2 short lists:
Things to Be Worked Up About
- Will Aaron and I get married on October 5th with some smattering of our most favorite people in attendance?
Things to NOT Be Worked Up About
- Everything that is not listed on “Things to Be Worked Up About.”
7 more Wedding Wednesdays to go! (When did that number get so little?) Next week: how ordering wedding rings online could give you a heart attack, bridal purses, and my first attempt at creating a ‘day-of’ schedule.