When I first started to countdown to our wedding, we were like 436 days out. Seriously. When I started “Wedding Wednesday,” there was still a whopping 6 months to go. Today? 3 days. 72 hours. 4,320 minutes.
I am physically at work this week, but am a space cadet. Like, past the moon and planets, out around where the orbiting mass formerly known as the planet of Pluto is hanging out, after it retired from being a planet. Not focused. When I get home in the evenings, I am a MACHINE. Last night, armed with an espresso (with Rumchata!) and the vacuum, I sucked up ALL the things! I cleaned ALL the laundry! I wrote ALL the thank yous (I did not do this with the vacuum)!
Things That Are Lovely
The emails from friends about how excited they are to celebrate our day, the outpouring of support (even though we are actually telling the truth when we tell you we really don’t need any help– we got this), the way things feel mostly organized and together, and the number of things on the to-do list that are to-done. I love when things are to-done.
Things That Are Odd
Maybe I can only think of one really odd thing, but I think it is worth sharing because I think we all do it to nearly-married couples (especially brides), and now that I am the nearly-married bride, I think it is something that should probably stop: It is odd that we ask the bride if she is nervous or anxious or stressed.
First, I think that is a stereotype that the final weeks before your wedding have to be chaos and I think that is fabricated by Hollywood and reality TV and because stories of chaos get told more often. For example, if Aaron and I were up until 2AM hand sewing bicycle-shaped buttons to the programs when we finally collapsed in exhaustion, only to find that while we slept the dog ate all the programs, that would be a good story. But we didn’t do that. The story of vacuuming the stairs and then watching Kitchen Nightmares with Chef Ramsay while eating trail mix? Not a good story. A true story, but not a good one. The week before your wedding can be Timberwolves, guacamole, bike rides, running, dance parties with the dog, long breakfasts. Hell, can be?! It should be!
Second, if the bride you are asking is stressed/anxious/nervous, it is undoubtedly keeping her up at night, giving her heartburn, and making her profusely sweat at all the most inappropriate times (hey-o, staff meeting). That last thing she needs is for you to remind her that she is stressed. If she’s not stressed, you asking makes her think she should be. On Monday, I had a total overreaction to the fact that we were having an easy, relaxing week. I panicked about being relaxed because of all the external stimuli saying, “Man you must be stressed!” and me thinking, “No. I’m not… OHMYGOD WHAT IS WRONG?! WHAT HAVE WE FORGOTTEN TO DO?!” Panic. We had completely forgotten to be panicked fools. Silly us.
Things That I Will Never Master
Scheduling. I have a whole new appreciation for event planners and schedulers. This is hard. How long will a receiving line take? What if the bride is super chatty? How long does it take to line up the parents and snap their photos? What and the who needs to be where and the how at the what time? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Politeness. I am not good at this. There’s not much more to say without implicating myself in a web of judgey and not-nice things. So… sorry. But if it’s any consolation, at least I usually only think unpolite things and I am fully aware of my shortcomings.
Patience. I am my dad’s daughter, what can I say? I grew up in a house where ‘on time’ is 10 minutes early. A task with a deadline should probably still just get done ASAP (unless it’s something you don’t want to do… then drag your feet!). These odd tasks that are just hanging out either undone or delegated so I have no idea if they have been done or not? Like a thousand tiny knives stabbing me in the face. Again, I like when things are to-done.
Which leads us to the next thing I will never master… Surrendering control. When I was a kid, I often abruptly ended activities with friends for the simple reason that they failed to play the way in which I (attempted to) dictate that we play. I do not like bad surprises, like ‘whoops! that broke’ or ‘I know you said you wanted this, but I did something else instead.’ So the best way to avoid surprises is control the beginning, the middle, and the end. This is not healthy.
A Reminder (Mostly to Myself)
There are things worth worrying about when wedding planning. They are these things:
- Will my partner and I be joined in marriage at the end of the day?
- Will our wedding ceremony and reception reflect who we are and share some of our favorite things with our favorite people?
- Have we done everything we can to make the day enjoyable for our guests?
The rest? It’s fluff. It’s fun fluff, but it’s just fluff. And it’s not going to go perfectly. But since Aaron and I are likely the only one’s who will know whether or not everything is as it is meant to be and we are also likely the 2 people who care the least about the perfection of they day, it’s going to be awesome. If I can make a running metaphor here (I love running metaphors!), I would say any runner will agree that crossing the starting line is the first step. But that’s just it, it’s only the first step… towards crossing a finish line, getting new personal bests, overcoming obstacles. Aaron and I have a lot of finish lines and personal bests and obstacles ahead of us that will do a lot more to define who we are than this wedding day.
The Nuts and Bolts of It All
As I wrap up the last Wedding Wednesday, I can honestly say that wedding planning was (mostly) a blast, and also that I am happy to see it come to an end. It has at times brought out the best in me and at others brought out the very worst in me. I am excited to return to my regularly scheduled ‘overly-emotional’ state rather than the state of ‘insensibly emotional’ that I have been in for the last 2 months.
Today, I am more excited to marry Aaron than I was when he proposed over a year ago. And considering I tore that ring right out of the ring box and started putting it on my own hand, that’s a pretty big statement. I am excited and a bit overwhelmed by the fact that most of our favorite people will be together in one room. For us. Like, people from high school in the same room as my grandma in the same room as my college roommates in the same room as my graduate school classmates in the same room as Aaron’s college friends in the same room as Aaron’s family. Weird. I am excited to show everyone all of my terrible dance moves, perfected through many one-woman dance parties throughout the last 13 months.
A giant thank you to everyone who has helped us, supported us, taken us out for an entire afternoon of drinking (I am looking at you, Emily and Sean), made us laugh, reminded us how good life is, and has been friends to us before, during, and after this small chapter of our lives. It has been so good.
With that, there are no more Wedding Wednesdays to go, just a little ol’ wedding day. But there will still be plenty of stories to share with you, so don’t go far.
Love love love,